And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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