how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
