i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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