You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
