2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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