she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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