i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
