Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
