I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we're making bets on your personal life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
