I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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