he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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