so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
