I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
