Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
