what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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