So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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