i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
