I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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