When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
