And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
