Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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