im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
