you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i out mim tonsoeep
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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