We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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