Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
