I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
