You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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