Me too!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My life is pants optional.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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