I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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