Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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