I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She told me I should be a condom model.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
