I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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