birth control should be required to get into college
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
