im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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