hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
