Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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