i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This house was built for laser tag.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
