So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
