I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
