Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
