there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
