I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
