i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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