There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
