I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
