Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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