halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
