If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
