Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
