yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
