There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can I color on your dick again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
