After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
