Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
