i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
