who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
