Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
