I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
how drunk are you?
Several
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
