Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
