Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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