CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
