Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
