Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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