Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
bring money and cleavage
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
