I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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