We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
