***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
