i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize