I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Rumble strips road head = magical
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
