Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
