I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
