Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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