i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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