I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
