my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
