I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You pole danced in your parka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize