So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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