Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
