I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
