Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
