Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
