i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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