To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize