I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
